


Deadpool & Cable

by rallamajoop



Category: Cable and Deadpool
Genre: Bad jokes about yaoi fandom, Chapter Related, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-05
Updated: 2012-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-20 02:11:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rallamajoop/pseuds/rallamajoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few hundred words of silliness written in honour of the announcement that the <i>Cable & Deadpool - Ultimate Collection</i> was to be released under the name of <i>Deadpool & Cable</i> instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deadpool & Cable

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Дэдпул и Кейбл](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3148811) by [naid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/naid/pseuds/naid), [rallamajoop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rallamajoop/pseuds/rallamajoop)



Cable was deeply involved in page seventy-five of the latest immigration report when something landed heavily on his desk.

"Ha!" declared the something, in a particularly triumphant voice, and threw what looked like a thin paperback onto the desk in front of him. Cable looked up from his report into the face of the smuggest looking Deadpool he'd ever seen perched above him. "Bet you weren't expecting _this_ , huh Nate?"

Cable gave the paperback a casual inspection. There was a picture of him and Wade on the cover – a reasonably flattering one compared to some of the previous examples Wade had brought to his attention like this – but it was, as far as he could tell, just a comic. Askani knew where Wade had pulled this one from.

"And this is?" he prompted.

"Hot off the press with recap pages, my letters column – the whole shebang! We just made the Ultimate Collection, baby! You and me!" Wade punctuated this by punching the air. "But that's not the best bit – you notice anything about that shiny, new cover, Nate?" The last bit was declared while leaning suggestively down over the desk.

Clearly this was going to be one of those times when nothing Wade said made any sense to anyone not inflicted with his own personal brand of insanity. Usually, Cable found the best thing to do in this situations was to humour him until he got it out of his system.

He gave the cover another cursory glance. "It has our names on it?" he hazarded.

"Uh- _huh_ , I do believe he's on to something, and you know what else? You notice who's first on that cover? 'Cause I think you'll find it doesn't start with a 'C'. Why don't you read it aloud for the rest of the audience up the back there?"

"...Deadpool and Cable?"

"Deadpool _and Cable!_ " cheered Wade. "I present to _you_ Marvel's brand new golden boy! Sorry, Nate m'boy, the powers that be have finally realised who was really driving our modest-but-remarkably-consistent sales figures all along! No more piddly little alphabetical excuses keeping _you_ ahead, no more ' _and Deadpool_ ' on our covers, you have been officially demoted all the way... to _second billing_. And you know what _that_ means?" The last part was delivered while leaning even further into Cable's face.

"I'm sure you'll tell me."

"It means _I_ get to be on top now!" crowed Wade.

"Pardon?"

"Come now, Nate, you wouldn't ignore a completely arbitrary little rule from some far corner of fandom who mostly don't even speak English!"

It took Cable a minute to catch up. "As in, during sex? You were, just last..."

"I mean _usually!_ By default! More than once on a week on alternate Thursdays in the name of 'spice and variety'. Possibly even _more than fifty percent of the time_. You writing this down?"

"I thought you liked bottoming. You tend to be quite vocal about it."

"It's the _principle_ of the thing! There is the top, and the bottom! The _seem_ and the _ook_... or something like that... I had notes here..."

Cable could feel the start of a headache coming on. "Are we going to have to have another conversation about the problems with assuming rigid power dynamics in sexual roles?"

"Don't you be all 31st century with me!" said Wade, stabbing him in the chest with a finger, "You wouldn't want to disappoint all _seventeen_ of our Japanese fans, would you?"

There was only one way of getting out of this debate quickly with any kind of grace. "...of course not."

"That's my Nate! Sooo, what do you suppose _we're_ going to be doing about five minutes from now?"

Cable raised an eyebrow and held the papers in his hand up a little higher. "I don't know about you, but I'm going to be finishing this report."

This did not seem to be the response Wade had been prepared for. He sat back on his heels. "Aww, do you have to?"

"Wade, I have a lot of work to do today." A few hours ensconced in the world of detailed immigration figures had never seemed more appealing.

"You couldn't take a break somewhere?"

"Not if I want to be done by this evening."

"...but we're still on for this evening, aren't we?"

"Aren't we always?" said Cable mildly.

"You drive a hard bargain, Nate, but just for you I can keep the shear manliness of my FIRST BILLING-self under wraps until this evening."

"Wonderful. I'll see you then," said Cable, and lifted the report pointedly up to eye level. After a few seconds, he heard the door shut with a click. He relaxed slightly and turned his attention to finding his place...

" _I'll be bending him over the table when he comes, yeehaw!_ " came floating down the corridor.

...and now he'd be doing it with the tune of 'Coming 'round the mountain' stuck in his head. Lovely. 


End file.
